In a memorable Schitt’s Creek scene, the late Catherine O’Hara is asked what her favorite season is, and responds simply: “Awards.”
It’s that time of year, Boulder High – awards season. In the midst of all the flashy award shows premiering during the late winter, most notably the upcoming Oscars, I thought it would be fun to take a handful of Oscar categories and award some very Boulder-specific candidates as winners.
You might be confused now, but trust me: If you’re a true Boulder High fanatic, you’ll be able to catch every reference embedded in this article. So grab your popcorn, put on your best red-carpet smile, and happy reading! P.S if you’re curious what my real-life Oscar predictions are, catch me in the hallways to chat! I promise my guesses are usually right!
And the winners are…
Best Picture
“Stair-Dog Millionaire”: A dramatic documentary centered around Boulder High’s summer construction, where the subtle renovations came with crazy budgets…leaving students searching everywhere for what changed.
Best Director
Mr. Champlin: “The DECAfather”
For masterfully directing a film about his DECA students in their ongoing quest to dominate FBLA, an unfortunately fading club. What’s next, the whole school?
Best Actor
Mr. Huntington: “The Eye-rishman”
For his brave return to teaching following a treacherous eye surgery and pretending everything is totally normal…even though he couldn’t see out of either eye, and was left with a bloodshot stare.
Best Actress
Ms. Rossin: “Pirates of the Mariner-bean”
For dramatically bringing an adaptation of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner to life in ways students never forget.
Best Supporting Actor
The Basketball Hoops in the back of the cafeteria: “Space Jam Part 3: The Forgotten Court.”
For delivering a committed performance as decorative (but sometimes used) athletic equipment.
Best Supporting Actress
The Library Snack Sneakers: “Eat, Pray, Hide”
For a dedicated performance, convincing librarians that snacks are definitely not being eaten.
Original Screenplay
“The Devil Wears Press Passes (The Owl)”
For delivering authentic journalism and telling the ongoing story of Boulder High.
International Feature
“Señor Assassin”
Following a mysterious bilingual superhero protecting students from their assassins across continents.
Production Design
“Nightmare on Math Street”
The math hallway was designed to look and feel exactly like an 1980s horror movie, and it certainly did the job.
Cinematography
“Once Upon a Time in PTV”
For beautifully capturing school through creative and occasionally chaotic filmmaking.
Makeup and Hairstyling
“Legally Bald”
Specifically the hairstyling of Mr. O’Block and Mr. Donaldson after the St. Baldrick’s fundraiser… just you wait freshman, it’s a sight!
Sound
“The Choir Room When the Flu was Going Around in October”
The sound was hauntingly beautiful… and a little off-pitch, but in an Art Deco kind of way.
Visual Effects
“Scott Pilgrim vs. The Passing Period”
The camera shots of a passing period from the social studies wing to the science wing were incredible, capturing the fast-paced blur of hallway traffic through an obstacle course of backpacks perfectly.
Original Score
“Fairview: The Musical”
An unforgettable score(board) whether students want it or not.
Original Song
“A-Cha-Lay-Lay” in “The Sound of Football”
A stadium anthem permanently embedded in Boulder High spirit, lyrics like “chalay-lay cheeky chonga” are almost nonsensical, but they sound like home. (Seriously, what do those lyrics even mean?)
If you’ve made it this far, I hope you enjoyed the fascinating world of film, and maybe caught a few movie title references here and there! Make sure to tune into the Oscars on March 15, 2026 at 5:00 PM!
