Online Recipes Need to CHILL


Everyone loves a good recipe, but food bloggers’ winding descriptions test our patience.

Fall is approaching and with that, your favorite foods. The scent of pumpkin pie will soon fill your home and, if properly made, will leave you and your family fighting over the last piece. Like the tech-savvy teenager that you are, you take to the web, searching for the perfect recipe. You click on the first link at the top of the page and are brought to a food blog claiming to know the secret to the “World’s Best Pumpkin Pie.” Sounds appealing, right? But as you begin to read, you wonder if you’re on the right page. It’s already been a full paragraph and nothing regarding pumpkin pie has been mentioned. You instead seem to be reading a novel on the chef’s life.

“When I was a child, I used to spend every Thanksgiving at my Grandma’s…”

You find this anecdote unneeded and slightly annoying but are still in need of a recipe so you continue scrolling. Your eyes skim across the word “pie” a full three paragraphs later and a feeling of relief settles over you. Finally, the recipe! But you are mistaken. The author’s tangent has merely shifted to somewhat address the recipe but has still managed to steer clear of anything useful. 

“Every fall I make this pie. I throw on my apron, turn on my favorite music and get into my baking groove. I, like any baker, love to dabble in new recipes, but this one will have you never wanting to try another— it’s just too perfect!  Baking this pie is truly a time where I can connect with my inner self and forget all my worries and soon it will be for you too! Best of all, though, I can sleep easy at night knowing my recipe has reached perfection.”

By now you are getting impatient. You aggressively scroll through what seems to be the never-ending preamble until finally, you are forced to type “ctrl F” to search for the ingredients. Another wave of frustration crosses over you when you realize each ingredient and step in the directions seems to have their own collage of pictures, somehow appearing to all be identical. Why does the author think you need a visual representation of cutting pie crust


or mixing batter


or adding whipped cream?!

You just want to know how to make the pie! You have now grown to resent pumpkin pie and decide you are better off using a recipe you already know.

*A note to food bloggers: Thank you for sharing your delicious recipes with us, but please, for everyone’s sake, keep the personal preamble to a minimum—we just don’t care.