In the past, many have been reluctant to jump into the holiday spirit when summer has just barely passed. As someone whose parents leave their Christmas lights up from December to June, I can understand why some people believe that the holidays overstay their welcome. But this year, cookies with frosting that tastes like sugar-infused dirt and plastic decorations from your attic will save the world from this pandemic. This year there is no better place to suppress your feelings than through spooky skeletons, jack-o-lanterns and of course, pumpkin spice. 

Starbucks has been way ahead of the game for years. As soon as September hits, they are ready to cushion your pent-up anger towards your in-laws and your dread of buying hundreds of dollars of presents―that people will probably lose right after receiving them anyways―before the holidays even come. Starbucks has your back by selling these festive drinks. Grocery stores even noticed this behavior and began to sell outrageous spiced products ranging from cereal to crackers―even dog treats―to calm their holiday nerves. These businesses are ready to supply the products you need to get through this pandemic and the holiday season. So throw out your fruits, your veggies, your whole grains―any foods that provoke anxiety over their excessive health benefits. Sure, pumpkin spice is overrated, overly sweetened and overpriced, but that’s not what you are paying for. You’re paying for the suppression of emotions that this fall flavor has to offer.

If pumpkin spice isn’t to your taste, you need to redirect your focus to something much more worthy of your time: outdoing your neighbors with your decorations this year. A decor war has already broken out in my neighborhood. I walk past every day to see who is in the lead: Bethany, the Chinese medicine doctor, or Dan, the avid gardener? You can either stand idly by and watch this fight from across the block, like me or better yet, join in. Go to your basement and dig up your tangled lights, fake cobwebs, which are intertwined with real ones and mummy statues straight from ancient Egypt. Go show your neighbors that you are serious about this holiday season, that your competitive spirit lives on and that you will win this critical race. 

Another way to release this anxiety once the snow falls is to listen to angry holiday music. Rage around your home listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” or scream to “Jingle Bell Rock” as loud as you can. Take your anger out on the Jackson Five―at least one of the members must deserve it―and project all of your worries onto these terrible tunes. No better place to put your hatred than on everyone’s least favorite genre of music. 

And last but not least, if the holidays are really what’s causing you harm, then cancel them. The zombies do not have to emerge from their graves, the turkeys can breathe a sigh of relief and Jesus can go without a birthday party this year. Tell your family that there will be no presents, no food and no relatives. Throw your sorrows out the window and sit back with a warm cup of sugary, artificial pumpkin spice latte.