This article comes at an admittedly disadvantageous time — we currently aren’t able to see our fellow classmates in person, which presents an obvious drawback in the effectiveness of this article. The weather has also consistently been in the high 80’s with no predicted snowfall to come anytime soon. However, this reality has plagued my mind for years and continues to do so. So, without further ado: 

Dear High School Boys,  

You need to stop wearing shorts when it’s snowing. The weather is subzero, there’s a biting frost, the snow is up past your ankles and instead of wearing pants—guaranteed to keep your legs nice and toasty and snow-free—you choose to wear shorts. It doesn’t make any sense. One of the dictionary definitions for shorts in North America is “men’s underpants,” and while I’m not completely sure that’s accurate, it illustrates a fine point. Would you wear your underwear outside, even if that’s just walking a short distance from the bus stop to the Boulder High entry doors, while it’s freezing outside? What part of your brain decides that this is the sensible thing to do? 

Perhaps you want to show off your particularly well-rounded kneecaps. Perhaps you’re playing into the rather unoriginal concept of being “macho” and feel a need to explicitly show that you can brave those chilly winter winds. Maybe the remnants of your elementary and middle school habits are memorialized by the contents of your wardrobe. Maybe all the shorts—rather than pants—in your closet have the best, coolest patterns, the swankiest material, and wearing those sub-par pants would be a disgrace. Or maybe you just own very few pairs of pants or none whatsoever. I don’t know. 

But I do know that when other people see you partaking in this foolish tradition, feelings of admiration, or even jealousy, aren’t the reactions. Many people who don’t partake in this short-wearing phenomenon—largely composed of the female population of Boulder High—have a quick response when asked of their opinion on the subject. On the whole, they think it’s rather “stupid.” Harsh criticism indeed, yet perhaps it’s what needs to be said. 

Short-wearing in chilly weather also poses a health risk. As you likely heard as a child, if you don’t want to catch a cold, don’t stand out in the cold. Perhaps you passed this off as an old wives’ tale. But like much of ancient wisdom from the past, it carries great truth (for the most part.) Being cold, particularly getting hypothermia, weakens your immune system. You may think— ha!—the distance of that walk to those school doors isn’t nearly enough time to get hypothermia. However, you’ll likely spend more time indoors to avoid the nip of the cold air against the skin of your thighs. You might want to reassess that decision to remain indoors; even on cloudy days, heading outside and getting that proper amount of vitamin D is crucial. Without it, you pose a risk for getting Influenza-A amongst other illnesses, and even cancer. But extended time outside in snowy, cold conditions while wearing shorts could cause hypothermia. The miraculous concept of simply wearing pants would pose a solution to all of this. 

For those of you who choose to make the switch, although your revised shorts-wearing habits—or the lack thereof—may not be displayed in the Boulder High School hallways, or even through Google Meets, there’s no time to prepare for the future like the present.

 Think of how much richer life would be if your lower appendages weren’t nearing frost-bite discoloration from a lack of blood flow caused by sitting in poorly temperature-regulated classrooms during cold winter months. Think of the endless possibilities that introducing an entirely new article of clothing to your every-day wardrobe would bring into curating your re-invigorated style. Think of all the benefits of a more able-bodied immune system, ready to fight off any infection coming your way—COVID-19, perhaps? 

Think smart. Wear pants. 

Linked below are some pants from slow-fashion brands, so you can be sensible, style-conscious and eco-friendly.

https://www.patagonia.com/shop/mens-pants

https://www.outerknown.com/collections/pants

https://www.everlane.com/collections/mens-jeans

https://us.kotn.com/collections/mens-bottoms