I waltzed into newspaper class like any regular Thursday morning, sat down and waited for my 85 minutes of fun to begin. My mood was high, and I was ready to write articles that I deemed important. As the bell rang, Mr. Wright informed the class that there would be a quick grammar lesson at the beginning of class. “That’s alright,” I mused to myself. “I’m usually pretty good with commas. I know how to spot a comma splice, when to use a comma before a conjunction, and how to make lists.” Imagine my shock when Mr. Wright said that The Owl will no longer be using the Oxford comma due to the Associated Press’s 2007 handbook on correct grammar. Although the handbook came out in 2007, The OWL only learned of this devastating development that day. My jaw went slack, my heart thudded against my chest and I wallowed in despair as my whole understanding of grammar vanished. Is grammar really grammar without the Oxford comma?

At first, I felt angry at Mr. Wright for taking away the comma that made my life make sense. I then realized that my quarrel wasn’t with Mr. Wright but rather with The Associated Press Stylebook. The Associated Press has decided that their word is similar to that of God and that the Oxford comma will no longer be used in newspapers.

For those unaware, the Oxford comma is the comma in a list that separates the penultimate article of a list from the final article of a list. For instance, before this life-hindering event, I would have written a sentence like “I had toast, eggs, and bacon for breakfast.” However now, I must pain myself to write “I had toast, eggs and bacon for breakfast.” Even writing this sentence sent a shiver down my spine. It seemed my body had a mind of its own as my finger inched towards the comma button. 

Evidently, my classmates felt that same as they grumbled the same grievances. The Oxford comma has been taught to us for so long that it seems almost inhumane to make us stop now. 

Now, readers, I know how upsetting this must be to you. It seems cruel, unfair and barbaric to read articles without the Oxford comma. I now must write many long, expansive and unenjoyable lists without employing my beloved, beautiful and most used comma.

If The OWL’s and the U.S.’s, loss of the Oxford comma affects you, please phone the Associated Press at 877-836-9477. Let them know how this new stylistic choice hurts, upsets and angers you. Thank you!