Online school has been going on for four weeks now and things have gotten pretty crazy. Even though we plodded through months of it at the end of last semester, it seems like Boulder High students have completely forgotten how to act in their online classes. Here’s a quick list of seven things you should TOTALLY do during online school.*  

Show up in your best sleeping attire!  

No matter if you sleep in a nightdress, footy pajamas or just your average sweats, online school is the perfect opportunity to use your bedroom as a runway. The days of being sent to the office for a dress code violation are over, and if college kids can show up to their 8 A.M. lectures in loungewear, why can’t we? You now do class in your very own home, just feet away from your bed; who cares if your striped PJ pants don’t meet the dress code? And those of you who sleep shirtless? Never fear! I’m talking about you, boys too! No matter how uncomfortable it makes your classmates, showing up sans shirt and giving your classmates a first-row seat to the gun show is always an option. Now is your time to shine by throwing away all social constructs and norms. Even though proper attire is usually required, no one can stop you now!

Bring your computer with you to the bathroom 

School is now online and therefore, there is no excuse to miss any class time. We’re past the days of raising our hand, asking for a bathroom pass, walking to the nearest working bathroom and cutting five minutes of class. Now, you can just pick up your laptop, Chromebook or desktop and walk the five feet to your bathroom while still keeping tabs on the presentation for your physics class. So long as you keep your camera and mic off, no one will ever know! Just make sure not to drop your device in the sink or you’re in for a tough next couple of periods. 

Turn your mic on while you fight with your parents 

Did you forget to put away your dishes? Didn’t clean your room? Possibly forgot to walk the dog? Even if your microphone wasn’t on before your parents came in and started chewing you out, why not include everyone in your first, second or third period in the excruciatingly awkward conversation that’s about to come? Your classmates won’t care that you’re interrupting their much needed in-class time. So what if they’re trying to do a year’s worth of work in just one semester? What matters most is that you’re about to save your classmates from impending boredom. Besides, what’s more, important than you? Especially with reality television being postponed due to the pandemic, we all could use some high-quality, mid-day entertainment and you could be the one to provide it for your peers. If you’re bold, throw in some whining. I’m sure they’ll quickly get over their second-hand embarrassment when you return as the conqueror of caring parents. 

Play guitar in the middle of class

Mic on or mic off, the perfect way to get attention is whipping out a guitar in the middle of a lecture. If your mic is off, you don’t even need to know how to play, just fake it! I’m sure your parents won’t mind the unbelievable racket you’re making in your room in the middle of their workday. What’s better than a midday serenade? The answer is nothing. Play that guitar! Live your best life! Show off your suave moves! It doesn’t matter if your entire class is death-staring at you! Just pick up your favorite guitar and jam! Besides, this is a perfect way to woo the ladies once they stop rolling their eyes! Bonus points if you play a well-known song like the iCarly theme song so everyone can bop along. 

Bring your dog to class 

There’s no denying that a cute fuzzy friend is the perfect distraction for any virtual class. While the lesson may be enticing, nothing is better than snuggling your pup. Whether it’s a Corgi, Great Dane, Maltese, Labradoodle, Chihuahua, Beagle, Weiner Dog, Poodle or Shih Tzu, bring them into the picture! Why even have your face in the frame when your dog is right there? Not only will the conversation instantly shift to your pup, but suddenly your dog will star in its very own film debut! It’s the perfect opportunity to start your dog off in a life of fame! Screw having respect for others’ learning, everyone needs a good puppy fix. Besides, maybe you’ll make your classmates jealous that you have a fluffy friend and obviously the envy of others is the epitome of popularity. 

Snapchat during class with your phone in frame 

After years of having your phone taken when you weren’t supposed to have it out, it’s time to rebel and be completely and utterly rude by dragging your phone into the frame. Even though your teachers are already putting their blood, sweat and tears into trying to keep your attention, why not just try and push them over the edge? No use in preserving their feelings—it’s not like they’re having as hard of a time as you are (if not harder.) And even though you could just hide your phone under the desk like normal, that’s so much effort. You could just not go on your phone during class at all, but where’s the fun in that? Your communication with your friends is the number one most important part of any school day; why let silly things like common decency hold you back? 

Pin your crush

In normal times you may find love by staring at your crush in your second period, catching their eye, looking away and hoping they’re staring at you the next time you look back. With online school, that technique has flown out the window. Luckily for you, the best way to fix this is embedded right in Google Meet with the “pin this participant” feature. No matter how important the notes are, it’s not more important than creepily pinning your crush’s face. Even though they have no way of knowing you pin them and so the only gain is a dent in your learning for the day, surely the risk is worth the spoil. Maybe you’ll catch them picking their nose or falling asleep in class! No matter what ends up happening, you walk away feeling giddy, bubbly and completely empty-headed.

Now with these fun tips, you can easily live your best online life. By often ignoring common courtesy and human decency, you will become the vainest and blatantly annoying student in any class. And what else would you ever want to be? 

*Disclaimer: Please don’t actually do any of these things; this article is completely satire and online school is rough enough without added shenanigans.