Trailblazing Since Birth

The Constant War For Gender Reveal Domination

In the fading light of the first decade in the 21st century, American heroes discovered a gem that the citizens of the world did not even know they needed: the gender reveal party—a full celebration to discover the gender of an unborn child. It was perfect from the start. The first documented gender reveal party in 2008 was hosted by true American icon Jenna Karvunidis, who cut open a simple cake to reveal pink frosting, announcing that she was having a girl. Since that historic moment in time, expecting parents have been waging war, vying to have the best gender reveal in history.

Since history was made in 2008, gender reveal parties have slowly escalated. First, it was cake, then cupcakes. Popping a balloon to reveal the baby’s gender was an absolutely wild evolution and people ran with that idea, using darts to pop balloons, pink and blue paintballs, fireworks and an ungodly amount of things exploding into powder, all in an attempt at true gender reveal domination. 

On Sept. 5, 2020, a seemingly normal morning in Southern California, a couple sparked a new phase of gender reveals that would set the world on fire. This couple, whose names have not yet been released, appears to have decisively won the long-standing national battle with an absolutely fire reveal. Using an unspecified pyrotechnic in the heat of the dry season to reveal their baby’s gender, the couple unintentionally set off a fire that is raging across thousands of acres in California. This was a truly brilliant move because the reveal also gives them a good list of baby names. Personally, I would suggest something like Blaze or Ash if it’s a boy. And of course they have Ember if it’s a girl. 

Gender reveals will certainly change now, and since the bar is currently set so high, I can only think of a few examples of events that could top this one. Expecting couples are welcome to use these ideas, but I would appreciate it if credit was given. The first idea is setting off some kind of nuclear explosion—lithium burns pink and copper compounds generally burn blue, so if it’s possible to put either of those elements in the nuke before it is launched, that would be ideal. The idea here is that the color of the mushroom cloud shows the gender of the child. It is important to note that nine out of 10 scientists do in fact believe that nuclear explosions can be bad for you, so make sure to be a safe distance away from the explosion before you set it off. Another idea comes from the Disney XD classic Phineas and Ferb. In the show, the theme song reminds viewers that, “finding a Dodo Bird, painting a continent, and driving your sister insane” are all good options for occupying yourself during summer break. While finding Dodo Birds and driving sisters insane certainly can be entertaining, the main focus here is on painting a continent. While you may have to use one of the smaller ones, such as Australia or Europe—a bigger continent like Asia or North America would be a waste of paint—painting a continent blue or pink would certainly prove to your friends, your neighbors and the good astronauts of the International Space Station that your baby was a boy or girl. Whatever the case, no one knows where the people of the world will take the idea of gender reveals just yet, but if one thing is for sure, it’s that life will never be the same after that fateful day in Southern California.